Former D-plus student and complete fuckup Malcolm Tibbets, 28, was recently entrusted by the Transportation Security Administration with the task of searching all bags for explosive devices or other weapons that could kill passengers or cause irreparable damage at Birmingham-Shuttlesworth International Airport. "What I do is real important," said the semiliterate, five-year Birmingham Central student, shaking a peanut brittle package next to his ear several times before replacing it in a passenger's bag. "Got to make sure no bombs get on the planes." According to airport sources, Tibbets, who once tried to punch his 11th-grade English teacher, was given the bag-searching job in December after TSA personnel deemed him the sharpest man on the metal detector team. Source...
- Former Miss USA : "TSA agent touched my vagina 4 times..."
- TSA: an army of perverts and criminals...
- Feeling lonely? Want some human contact? Worry not! Call the TSA!!!
- TSA officer stole $30,000 from travellers with boss's approval! WTF!
- "TSA singled me out because of my breasts..."
- Boy finds own real-life E.T.!!! (Onion)
- Bangladesh paper prints Onion satire about Armstrong's moon walk as real story!!!