Sunday, August 31, 2008

Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School! Onion hilarity...

Worried about meeting new children and making friends, area pedophile Howard Dengal admitted Monday that he was feeling "pretty nervous" for the first day of school.

"I hope the kids at Hampstead Elementary like me," said Dengal, who spent the summer reading comic books, watching early morning cartoons, and hanging around the entrance of a local swimming pool. "It'd be nice to have someone to play with during recess."

In preparation for Tuesday's start to the school year, Dengal picked out his favorite Batman shirt, Yankees baseball cap, and knee-length trench coat to wear. The 37-year-old then carefully packed a blue knapsack with two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and some toys.

A change of shorts was also added to the knapsack.

"Maybe someone will see me in the morning and come up and say hello," said Dengal, who claimed that he's always a bit shy at first. "And maybe if we both like the same kind of stuff, and he has dark-brown hair, we could be friends." More...

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