End of the world postponed!!! LHC out till next spring...

Proton-punishing boffins at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have confirmed that a recent technical mishap will down the colossal particle-masher until well into next year. The various treats promised once the LHC began living up to its name will not, now, arrive in time for Christmas.

Physicists had hoped that the tremendous circular hadron motorway - which is arranged rather as though the M25 was set up with the opposing streams of traffic having to drive through each other every so often - would by now be spraying sub-particulate roadkill wreckage like zillionfold femto-entrail hail into vast detector collectors. These would pass their data to tremendous hypercomputer arrays, which would sift the riven hadron guts for auguries into the very essence of the cosmos.

It was expected, once the LHC seriously got running, that the Nobel people would eventually be compelled to install some kind of automated prize-dispensing machine in the CERN cafeteria; on busy days, this would give the appearance of a fruit machine paying out a jackpot. More...

See also:

• Large Hadron Collider (LHC) breaks down...
• LHC: What happens if you fall into a Black Hole?
• Hackers break into the LHC computer system!!!
• LHC: fearing end of the world, girl in India commits suicide...